I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
