I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
