i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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