Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it glows. i had to have it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
