found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
