we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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