No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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