Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
