the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
