Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
