She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
