My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
