My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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