Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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