Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
