Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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