DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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