id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
