you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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