i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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