Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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