Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
