Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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