so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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