Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm like, not good at living.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
