I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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