apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
