You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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