420 ftw
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
