I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
