Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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