If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I could make wine with my vomit
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
