so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
