i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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