just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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