apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
