you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
