It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
