I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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