I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
