...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
