my phone needs a breathalizer
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
