I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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