yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
