The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
