I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
