I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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