Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
