The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
