Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
