At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
