I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
