the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
