i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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