first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
