I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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