i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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