I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
