remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
