Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize