i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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