I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
