You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Found your dick twin last night
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
