3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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