What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
