yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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