did you get engaged???
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
