his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I could fuck to npr.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
