i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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