I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize