Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
