After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
