Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
